


The Perfect Gift

by Myrmec



Category: Captain Planet and the Planeteers
Genre: Gen, Medical Experimentation, anyway have this christmas fic in october, but they're not the focus of the work, it's vague but i'm warning just in case, some captain planet/dr. blight if you squint, some slightly more blatant captain planet/captain pollution, why did i write this in second person i hate second person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-15 18:57:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12326910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myrmec/pseuds/Myrmec
Summary: Captain Planet doesn't see the Eco-Villains as adversaries as much as precocious young people who don't really understand what they're doing.He also has problems not getting attached.





	The Perfect Gift

Skumm is the easiest one to shop for. In some ways he's very much like the small rodents he resembles, and gifts of food or chewing toys always go over well. You know he thinks his secret santa is mocking him with the toilet rolls stuffed with paper towels and treats, but you also know he spent hours happily gnawing his way through them.

 This year you've spent a not insignificant amount of time crafting a Skumm-sized rat hammock out of sturdy but comfortable materials, which you barely managed to smuggle into his current hideout.

 You don't see him for a month, which is how you know it went over well.

* * *

Nukem's biggest weakness is his love for tacky tourist wear, so you're almost never at a loss for what to get him. It's become a bit of a hobby, seeking out the most obnoxious designs available and squirreling them away for special occasions.

The first time you see Nukem in the blinding green and orange tropical shirt you snuck into his lair on Christmas Eve, you can't help but crack a genuine smile rather than one of your trademark flashy grins.

Of course, he hits you in the face with a barrel of radioactive waste a few seconds later, but at least you know the shirt was appreciated.

* * *

You give Greedly food, which is a few days of hard work in the kitchen, but it's soothing work rather than the nerve-wracking “people are going to die if I don't pull this off” of your day job. You work hard, juggling multiple complex dishes at once, and focus on amassing a very significant quantity of food. You're aiming to give Greedly the peace of mind of a full belly and a full larder, which is difficult with his appetite, but not impossible.

(Not a lot of people are aware that Greedly's eating habits are a result of food insecurity; being cut off from his grandfather's money in his late teens found him struggling to claw his way out of poverty, but repeated bad investment decisions have left him languishing there.)

You leave him enough that even he will take a few days to eat it all, and portion a bit off for Rigger.

* * *

Sludge gets new personal protective equipment and cleaning equipment, which is more of a strongly-worded hint than a gift. You keep telling yourself that one day he's going to figure it out, but he's still being stubborn.

* * *

You don't like Plunder enough to give him a _thoughtful_ gift, so instead you passive-aggressively buy him sponsorships to things he hates, like wildlife sanctuaries or zoo displays. You know he seethes at the little plaques they use to dedicate exhibits or restored habitats to him, but he can't do anything about them without hurting his public image, so he has to leave them there.

If he ever finds you're the one responsible, he's going to try and literally kill you, and you might not be able to stop laughing long enough to try and stop him.

* * *

Blight's gift has to wait until a few days after Christmas, where you give her another day to strap you to a table and cut you open for science. She's never happier than when she has some complex puzzle to work on, and she's been powerfully interested in what you even are for as long as you've known each other.

 You grit your teeth as she slices through your crystalline skin with diamond knives, and struggle to hold your composure as she attempts to pry the secrets of your power from your blood and bones.

 You're as sure that she won't be able to crack it as you are that if any human could, it would be her.

 Despite the malicious glee with which she carves into you, she's gentle when she bandages your wounds and kisses away your tears.

* * *

Your “evil twin” is the last one on the list, mostly because he already gets what he wants throughout the year.

 (He's right, after all; you can't ever make him go away, but you _can_ keep him in one location, and make him happy to stay there by supplying him with the toxic waste and other contaminants you can't just magic away. Given the opportunity, he's quite content lounging around in the muck.)

 You show up anyway, ostensibly to let him beat you up a bit. He drags you off to bed instead.


End file.
